THE JOKING KILLER
H.M.P PENNINGHAME
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To the  manor  born

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H.M.P

Penninghame

Now this is my kind of jail.. set in roughly 80 acres, bowling green, putting green, long flowing lawns, a driveway fit for a king, at least 1/4 mile long if not more, a big country house, only problem, it is miles away from anywhere, Newton Stewart to be exact, the river cree running through the grounds, an excellent salmon water, to which I was to see and help visitors land fish and give tips....

Work parties in this  prison consisted of the gardens, and cleaners and cooks, of course there were a few of my old mates that I had met going through this sentence, this is a prison that all your , bent lawyers, accountants, went to no mainstream prison for them, yet they were robbing the tax-payers...leniency or what.. the reason was of course so they wouldnt get bullied shame ...

I was allocated the gardens fortunately their was an officer from Dungavel who had gained promotion and his post was at Penninghame, so once again I got a job working on my own steam, nobody to carry again...

My job driving a tractor and mainly consisted of making sure the main lawns were kept tidy, and on many occasions Mr. Pierce from the scottish prison service commented how well the grounds looked.....hard-work sir thats all

Penninghame has its own victorian walled garden

so it was mainly self-sufficient ,also a potting shed, where on one occasion during a visit I managed to have sex, not the most romantic place, but when your locked-up anywhere will suffice........

It was here I was asked to do some voluntary work, a garden in Newton Stewart roughly 2 acres plus, little corsbie as it is known and as far as I am aware is possibly the oldest house in the village dating back to some 1540(to be confirmed)

Anyway on visiting this house and garden , it looked as though it had not been touched since it had been built, not to be put off, I took the task on, this also allowed me out the prison at night from 17.00pm to 20.45pm during the week and 10.00am to 16.45 pm at the weekends....

Here I met the neighbours ron and loretta

who run a B&B...

The owner of the house a quaint woman called Patricia Cunningham-tweedie

also in the grounds was a static caravan with it own electric supply, so they I was all set for the job in task, little did I know how long it would take me get this garden into some sort of shape

visiting was a pain in the butt as it meant miss mccauley had to travel from Hamilton down to Newton Stewart, she was not enamoured, but did visit a few times at the prison and at little-corsbie...the caravan proving its worth at the weekends.....smile

During the week it was all graft and time flew by and on the odd occasion I was still at the house well after 21.00pm, having to phone the gatehouse asking for someone to come and pick me up.....oh sorry we forgot you were out.....

Every so often you were allowed day trip to Ayr

leaving the prison at 08.15 and catching the school run going to Girvan arriving in Ayr roughly 10.15am just enough time to grab some breakfast put a line on and then go to the pub till 15.15pm

and hope you didnt get a pull at the gatehouse smelling of drink, numerous occasions I slithered to the dormitory, wasted though drink...lucky-b

One thing I have forgotten to mention is that at christmas you get a 5-day leave normally from the 22dec till 27dec coach party everyone buzzing...

It was quite funny actually , at the same time Noranside ,Dungavel,and Penninghame all out for christmas leave used to meet at the clyde bar in Glasgow queen street

talk about a criminal reunion

there must have been at least 150 cons or more all converging in Glasgow at that time of the year, also there was a summer break of 7 days

to which I cannot remember getting although I did manage to swing 5 days commpassionate leave to Doncaster..... to which a few of my weekends were supposed to have been , other ideas myself and miss mccauly taking the route north to Oban spending a night in the (Falls of lora) hotel we only managed the one night as we were too loud in the evening I guess, so the following night was spent, across the connel bridge in a B&B once more only one night to bloody loud, as I was supposed to be in Doncaster I was granted an extra day...travelling time...got to use your head sometimes.....

A small mention to Violet Marshall newton stewart for the charity work she and the fellow cons did...sponsored car-wash etc...

 

to be-updated

As the distance from Hamilton to penninghame was proving a bit much for miss mccauley I requested a move back to Dungavel as by this time I was almost 3/4 of the way through my sentence it was granted and all it was, was waiting for the S.P.S to arrange the travel arrangements ..so a few months and I was back on the route north to Dungavel ..although they were not to happy to have me back at this prison as while I was there I was sometimes known as Mr. Dungavel ie if you wanted anything I was probably your best bet at procuring it..ie drugs, camera, change for your paper-money well if you have no support from outside you have to make a living some way...to fund your weekends...

Parole Reviews

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